BREAKING: NFL Releases #DeflateGate Report, Doesn’t Look Good for Patriots

After a hundred or so days of waiting the much anticipated Ted Wells report has been released by the NFL, and it implicates at least two ball boy attendants and possibly (gasp!) Tom Brady.

Coach Bill Belichick and owner Robert Kraft are safe from accusations for now.

According to USA Today, the report found "it is more probable than not that Jim McNally and John Jastremski participated in a deliberate plan to circumvent the rules by releasing air from Patriots game balls," but found no wrongdoing by Patriots ownership, coach Bill Belichick and his assistants, or equipment manager Dave Schoenfeld.

"More probably than not?" I don't get it.

The report also includes text messages between the two attendants, McNally and Jastremski, discussing Brady's preferred PSI level. But the context of the texts are seem to be negative, like they're going to pump them up to a level he doesn't like to spite him.

They have no evidence directly linking Brady to tampering, and yet the report maintains that these two massholes wouldn't have deflated the balls without Brady's instruction.

If you have time, read the 250 page report (and tell me how it ends).

Now we wait for Commissioner Roger Goodell and whatever disciplinary action they take.

By the way, it's not smart to rile up Bill and Tom. Let's go out and get a ring for the thumb boys!