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My Food Consumption on Holidays is Legendary

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The amount of food I eat on Holidays is epic. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Boxing Day. Easter. Memorial Day. July 4th cookouts. Bastille Day cookouts. They all have one thing in common: the stuff legends are made of. Here’s how I see things going down tomorrow: I will rise and shine around 8am. Shower, maybe, maybe not. Put on my best “eating clothes”. Eating clothes are in no way fashionable, but are strategic in nature. “Eating Clothes” are not new; everyone has them! (some people call them sweatpants and sweatshirts). They move with your body; ie expand to compensate for your fatness.

Breakfast is usually a mixture of eggs, meat & cheese, bread, or meat & cheese, eggs, bread. Six of one, half a dozen of the other (only the saying not the amount of eggs I’ll eat). I can guarantee that I’ll have at least 2 of whatever I’m making. (Yesterday was declared as “Comfort Food Day” by my fiance because she has a cold. I live vicariously through her, when it’s “Comfort Food Day”. Long story short, I have bologna in my fridge now. Bologna will be the meat!)

After breakfast is lunch right? Wrong. After breakfast is breakfast leftovers at my folks house. I’ll go over early to my folks house, the holiday gathering destination, and pretend I’m there for the family time, but really I’m there for my mom’s Sausage Egg Strata, and French Toast sticks. I hand out hugs & kisses for a few seconds, and then it’s on to the fridge like it’s a college friend I haven’t seen since graduation.

The bird usually comes out around 2pm. Before this though, it’s good to get a round of appetizers in. Shrimp cocktail, celery with cream cheese & walnuts (if you eat celery with peanut butter and raisins you probably eat paste too and should be locked up), and hot artichoke dip are among my favorites.

The feeling I experience when the turkey finally comes out must be akin to having a child for the first time. That’s about the only way I can describe it. When I actually have my first child, I’ll probably reverse the two, but we’ll have to wait on that one.

Turkey is good. Turkey is better with friends, like stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and cranberry sauce. Pour a gallon of gravy over all of it, and it’s nothing but the basics for me; over and over and over again.

The night ends with a Gobbler. A sandwich many have tried to make, but I perfected. The sandwich consists of turkey, mayo, cheese, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and finished off with gravy. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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