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Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets Recalled for Containing ‘Diseased and Unsound Animals’ – Time to Rank My Favorite Hot Pockets

It was announced yesterday that Nestle USA, makers of my go to breakfast as a child, is recalling 238,000 cases of Hot Pockets because they contain “diseased and unsound animals“. This is sad for 2 reasons: there are animals on Earth that are now ‘unsound’, and my favorite meal as a child is under fire. I think it’s time to rank ’em. Here are my top 5 favorite Hot Pockets:

(These rankings do not take into consideration the crust options. Obviously you can’t taste the difference between regular and croissant so you can forget about it.)

5. Bacon Egg & Cheese

Perfect for breakfast on the go. Without these, I likely would not have graduated high school.

4. Chicken Broccoli & Cheddar

If you love fake yellow cheese then these are the Hot Pockets for you! In order to get me and my brother to eat vegetables my mom would drown them in cheese. This was basically the same thing, only with a crispy breaded vessel.

3. Meatballs & Mozzarella

Delicious meatballs. Having said that, I’m 100% sure these would have fallen into the “diseased and unsound” meat category, but I don’t think scientists had discovered it yet.

2. Pepperoni Pizza

This Hot Pocket can be eaten for every meal, or snack, at any time of day. Of all the other kinds of Hot Pockets the Pepperoni Pizza had a unique scent. One that helped mask any B.O. one might have in high school when they’re not committed to showering every day like they do as an adult. Just saying.

1. Ham & Cheese

Winner winner, dip it in mustard all the time dinner. When I think about it, the only reason Ham & Cheese trumps Pepperoni Pizza is because you can dip it in mustard. Generally speaking ham and mustard is like peanut butter and jelly; they’re inseparable. Also dipping in cold mustard helps cool down the scalding temps of the ham and cheese innards.

Required for any Hot Pocket chat:

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