It's been days since Market Basket brand products have graced the shelves of your local branch. In a brazen attempt of cashing in on this turmoil, I've decided to put the ultimate staple of comfort on eBay...at about a 1000 percent markup.

eBay

DESCRIPTION: Traditional 1000 sheet roll of Market Basket bathroom tissue. You won't find this at any Market Basket...at least for now...I think. If you're seeking the classic, clean comfort your body deserves then this is the roll for you. Commitment to quality seal of approval, and septic system safe from Arthur T. himself!

The auction only lasts 3 days, so get your bids in. Think about it: you could own a piece of history. Or, if you want to avoid the roller coaster ride of an eBay auction use the 'Buy It Now' option for just $100.

If you think this post is genuine, well, it isn't, but much like the bathroom tissue, it's rightful place is also inside a septic tank.