There is No Such Thing as ‘Just Cuddling’

Cuddlr says it is a location-based social-meeting app for cuddling. But anything can (and will) happen during a cuddle session…

Are you buying any of this? In the video, ol’ lonely Charlie seems to just be in the mood for an old-fashioned cuddle. Faye is more than happy to meet a strange man, and luckily the app provides walking directions right to him. Convenience at its finest.

Oh wait. What I actually meant to say was that this is serial-killer-horny-wear-your-skin-as-a-toga convenience at its finest. Just look how the seductive Faye runs her fingers through Charlie’s hair. She is wondering how his eyeballs will look as earrings.

No red-blooded American guy wants to just cuddle a stranger. Sure we will be happy just bumping our nethers onto the opposite sex in the club when they are not looking, but cuddling always means something more.

That act of cuddling is just the first stop on the train ride to getting it on.

Just read what this video tells us to do: “Cuddle in public or in private.” What is this sadistic pervert nonsense? Are we all so bored in the bedroom that we have to take the party onto the streets for a voyeur fiesta?

I’m no Mother Teresa (although who knows what she was REALLY into) but I can say with confidence that I don’t want other people looking at me while I snuggle a stranger.

You know what you do when you are lonely and need to cuddle? Get a freaking cat. It is all the joy of cuddling without being tied to a radiator in someone’s basement. As a bonus, they will also eat mice and keep people with allergies away.

I would love to take the Cuddlr challenge and see if there is anyone out there looking to “just cuddle,” but I am an Android user without an iPhone. It might be better this way since I really don’t feel like being touched by anyone lonely enough to use this app.

Today's Rob Lesson: Lose the app. Get a cat.