This Bizarre Turtle May Take Over New Hampshire

Just when you thought you've heard it all. A species of Chinese Soft-Shelled Turtles were recently discovered in Quincy, MA and, if left unchecked, could overtake New England by the millions.

This thing is indescribably weird looking. Apparently, the turtles found in Massachusetts were smuggled in as a delicacy and then set free in the wild after someone had a change of heart.

As much as I respect the laws of nature and the potential infestation of strange species into an environment with no known predators, I can't help wonder should we really be afraid of turtles? Soft-shelled turtles? Anybody with a spear and a good pair of sneakers could wipe out 1000 an hour and that's a conservative estimate.

There is only one person that I can think of that was ruined by turtles, Megan Fox.

Since she did that 'movie', she hasn't been cast in anything worthwhile since. Even her marriage was doomed by that sickening sequel. Hey, it's possible. As long as we New Englanders refuse to star in any action films with the Chinese Soft-Shelled Turtle, I think we'll be fine.