Raspberry Confusion Turns To Frustration, Rage and Hopelessness

I guess that headline is a little melodramatic, but a simple question I recently posted about the raspberries growing next to my house turned into a near viral episode of pure exasperation.

Pretty aren't they? I hadn't noticed black raspberries like these until just a couple years ago. They're really delicious too. Now they seem to be spreading like wildfire across the area.

I decided that someone, somewhere in this digital age would know what KIND of berry they are, as they are nothing like the local blackberries that I've been familiar with my whole life. (ABOVE)

As you can see from the brambles in the picture above, wild blackberries are still a long way from turning ripe.

Raspberries always ripen earlier and are just starting to redden. (There are THREE red berries in this photo!)

However, the mystery berries have been ripe for a week and look nothing like the other two most common varieties.

Over 5 THOUSAND PEOPLE saw my post and I have thus far received 6 responses. Half of which say 'Raspberries'. The other half have warned me about the dangers of eating ANYTHING without knowing exactly what it is. *angry steam shoots out of ears*

My neighbor suggested trying an App that instantly identifies wild plants from your photos. After an hour of downloading and uploading, this miracle of modern technology proclaimed these berries were Eastern Columbine flowers.

They are not.

The post I made continues to grow like the thorny vines around my flower beds and I still hold out hope that someone will know what invasively delicious fruit this is and identify it.

In the meantime, I will refer to them as exasperberries. That name has a nice ring to it.