If you do all of the things on this list, she'll never go out with you again. I promise.

And be sure to do them in this order…

1. Don't take a shower. Lacking basic hygiene is a big turn-off.

2. Don't offer to pay. Or, ask her to go dutch… but wait until the check arrives to drop this on her.

3. Have unattractive teeth. If you already look like Austin Powers, perfect! If not, you can probably buy fake teeth at a costume or party supply store.

4. Spend too much time on your phone. Check Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, work emails, etc. Nothing says you don't GAF like ignoring her.

5. Talk about past relationships. All of them… ex wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends.

6. Be arrogant. Talk about how important you are, and don't ask her any questions about herself.

7. Treat your server badly. And complain incessantly about everything from the moment you sit down.

8. Use cheesy or corny lines. Then repeat them, just in case she didn't hear them the first time.

There you go. She'll be feigning a sudden illness or calling a friend for an escape route faster than you can tell another corny joke.

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