In another sign that our once-humble hero has (at best) lost track himself of whether he’s retired or (at worst) morphed into Manny Ramirez, Tom Brady strolled into the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' training camp yesterday - 11 days late.

As Brady’s absence grew, so did concern that it was due to a serious personal or family matter.

But Brady sent word through the Illuminati Telegraph that neither was the case. And then, he created more questions than answers by offering no immediate explanation.

But it wasn’t long before the dreaded sports media seemed to have a read on the situation. Apparently, Brady’s extended vacation was just that: a trip to the Bahamas with his family. Which makes sense, because it’s not like he’s had since January to do that.

How very happy Brady’s offensive line must be to see a guy who faked his retirement and tried to force a trade to Miami taking a trip down to Kokomo while they were sweating it out during two-a-days.

So in case Tom’s reading (and I’m sure he is), here are Eight Great Excuses for Being Late to Training Camp:

“I was stuck on the Orange Line.”

“I’m consumed by grief over Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian.”

“I was stuck on the Green Line.”

“Did you know ‘Gilmore Girls’ is on Netflix?!?”

“Got into a fight with Gisele on whether a hot dog’s a sandwich.”

“I was deflating the bouncy castle at the Polar Caves.”

“Like YOU haven’t been late to work because you were playing ‘Madden.’”

And finally…

“Gronk ate my playbook.”

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