Somehow, This Massachusetts Town Was Named One of the ‘Safest’ Driving Cities in America

With all due respect, there is no way this is true, and we need a recount.

According to a new study by Consumer Affairs, the sixth-safest drivers in the U.S. reside in Lynn, Massachusetts. Yes, the same Massachusetts that earned the moniker: “Lynn, Lynn, the city of sin; you never come out the way you went in.”

Having been born and spent much time on the North Shore, this seems, to put it delicately, ridiculous. And this is not a knock against the fine town of Lynn! But you can’t deny the Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride action going on in the city’s roadways.

That any Massachusetts town (and I mean real Massachusetts, not those phony Massholes near Connecticut) is on a list with the words “safe driving” seems absurd. But Consumer Affairs stands by it.

The study was conducted using crash data ranging from speeding to driving under the influence to driver and pedestrian fatalities. This raises the question: are Lynn’s driver’s good? Or can its pedestrians just run really fast?

One New England town did make the publication’s list of worst driving towns in the U.S.: Hartford, Connecticut. Memphis, Tennessee ranked worst overall, while Green Bay Wisconsin earned top honors for safest drivers.

I guess we owe this one to gridlock. It’s hard to crash when you’re not going anywhere, and Boston just landed in an embarrassingly high spot on a global list of worst traffic.

Or, maybe we’re taking more responsibility for our driving now that we’ve adopted an even more personal hand gesture than the dreaded “state bird.”