3 Solid Reasons Why I’m Considering Plastic Surgery

What the holy hell happened to my neck?

Yesterday, Train and I went on a two hour adventure to Downtown Dover for restaurant week and Shawn the Shark took video of us talking to some wicked nice restaurant owners and I just saw the video.  Holy Hell, neck.... why hath you forsaken me?!!  What have I done to you?  Why have you moved to Florida without me?

Let's face it, I've never been a frail flower except that one time between 2010 and 2014 when I actually worked out regularly and ate right, but then my Mother decided to get really sick and DIE, so... the old habits came back, but you know what didn't come back?  My neck.  Okay, maybe I should be more accurate.  Something has come back just under my chin, however, I don't recognize it as my neck.  It looks like a drape that you might hang in a very small room.

I know I'm supposed to be all, "well, I am what I am, love me the way I am, blabbity, blah blah," but SCREW THAT!  What the hell happened?  Because of you, neck, I hate Kelly Ripa.  There's nothing wrong with Kelly Ripa.....  she's probably a very nice person, but I hate her and her perfect neck.

GEEZUS!!!  Somebody get me a face lift!!  I know there are lots of reasons why I shouldn't do it, but I give you three reasons why I should:

1.  People telling me that I look tired.  I'm not tired.  As a matter of fact, I'm a bundle of flippin' energy all the flippin' time.  Don't tell me I'm tired when I'm not.

2.  No amount of make-up is going to hide that wall of skin flapping in the breeze under my chin.  It's just not going to happen.  Even if I lose the weight and get back to where I was in 2010-14, it's not going to happen.  The skin will just still be there, mocking me.

3.  As Ronald Reagan put it in 19-something, "tear down that wall!!"  It's not good for anybody.  The time has come.  It's 2019, for goodness sake.

On to looking for a good plastic surgeon.  And don't say Joan Rivers to me.  She would approve - even now, from her grave.